I remember discussing the concept of Sexiness with a friend many moons ago. I'm most definitely full of opinions on the subject, and I'm more than happy to share them!!
First and foremost, sexiness is a state of mind, not a state of being - which is to say, you can't force it. You can certainly fake it, but the average person can indeed smell a fake. Lack of belief in ourselves is usually as plain as the nose on your face. And if we don't feel it, it just won't be there. Think of the things you find sexy in your partner, or simply an object of your lustful affections. Odds are, you find them truly sexy when they aren't doing anything more than being themselves. I find my boyfriend incredibly sexy when I get to watch him doing something he loves, or when I see him experiencing something for the first time. Or when he's just waking up and he looks at me with a true happiness, and says he wants to kiss me but he has awful morning breath. I couldn't possibly care less right now - all I want is a kiss.
Having said this, sexiness comes from confidence, NOT cockiness. True confidence to me can be defined very simply as having comfort in your own skin. None of us are physically perfect, not a single one. It's not possible and honestly why is it even desirable? It's our flaws, or I should say differences, that make us interesting. We should all do the work needed to feel best about ourselves, but not at the sacrifice of the moment's enjoyment. This attitude of "I will feel better about myself if I lose 20 pounds" - ok, AWESOME, do it, lost those 20 and feel better! BUT - feel good NOW too. I'm mostly talking to the women here - men of course have their insecurities but for some reason they are better equipped to deal with it. Most guys go indeed think they have it goin' on no matter what the external! And yeah, we ladies may roll our eyes and wonder why exactly that guy thinks he's God's gift - but we should steal a little of that swagger for ourselves too. Just a little though. We still have to care. It's not the ego that's sexy. It's the comfort - it's putting effort into yourself without obessing about it. It's being your very best you. And making that very best you be an almost effortless task. Care about how you look. But care about other things more.
And take that confidence with you behind the closed bedroom door. Remember what I was saying before about sexiness basically being a person's happiness and enjoyment? I wasn't just talking about a great meal or a beautiful painting. The pleasure our bodies are capable of feeling and giving are a gift to us. And again, I'm talking more to the ladies here for now - I've asked many a man about bedroom antics, and there is indeed a consistency in their responses for what they find sexy and sexually attractive, and it has nothing to do with how big your tits are or aren't, nor does it have anything to do with how much your ass does or doesn't jiggle. All of that is just icing, because trust me - only the DOUCHEBAGGIEST of guys aren't madly in love with the sight of a naked woman no matter what her state of physical perfection. What a man loves about a woman is her enthusiasm. All guys talk about is that they get the most enjoyment out of watching their partner feel good, about knowing they are making her happy, and that their satisfaction isn't complete unless they know she is satisfied first. If your man doesn't have that mindset, please do consider trading up. And in the same token, think about why that is such an attractive quality in a man - because his enthusiasm is tangible. Skill levels can be improved upon with communication and education, so try not to sweat any of that if the act is fraught with various technical difficulties. Great things in life are always worth the work. But when his quest is your pleasure, my god....don't you just melt at the simple thought of that? Of course you do. And he deserves the same. He also loves seeing that you're enjoying making him feel good, that his pleasure enhances your own.
Ladies, your body is a weapon. Your lips, your eyes, your hair, your hips, your ass, your breasts, your gams, your hands and fingers, your tootsies, your shoulders and the nape of your neck - ALL of these parts that come standard on the female body of any shape are just tools of your sexy trade. They don't have to be on prominent shameless display to have their allure showcased. You simply have to know they are there, and enjoy that feeling. Let your moods shine through your eyes, let your ass wiggle more to the left and right when you feel sassy in your new dress, let your fingers slide across the neck of your skin because that softness is their for your enjoyment as well. Just FEEL how beautiful you are. And it will show, even when you aren't trying at all. And suddenly you will find that you are absolutely irresistible.
And nothing at all is wrong with that, baby.
After a long and inexplicable hiatus, I returned this weekend into one of my most pleasurable arenas – Cupcakery. It annoys the crap out of me that cupcakes are trendy now, that 10 times out of 9 there is nothing special about a cupcake anymore. For PERFECT example, my office (in wonderful office form) brought in a massive box of grocery store cupcakes to acknowledge the birthdays for the month we just concluded. They were chocolate cupcakes with green frosting, and topped with little plastic rings in the shapes of footballs, baseballs and soccer balls. (I didn't realize this entire company was run by 10 year old boys, but that's another subject.)
Let me count the ways I hate the average grocery store or bakery cupcake. First of all, and it's crappy of me to consider this a fault but, they are made on a massive scale. The average baker at home makes a batch of around 20 cupcakes, while bakeries while make dozens upon dozens, constructed from recipes using pounds of butter, sacks of sugar, etc. And that's all fine, I understand the concept of supply and demand. But think about the difference in taste between a store-bought cookie and a homemade cookie. The homemade cookie probably lacks physical perfection - it might be misshapen, there might be uneven distribution of things like chocolate chips or raisins. But - and I say this in absolute seriousness - you can truly taste the love in a homemade cookie. And no, I don't mean baking that dough you picked up at Papa Murphy's and passing it off as the real deal - like those commercials back in the day of the powdered cappuccino drink the lady would sneak off to the kitchen to make to impress her hubby, all the time making espresso machine wooshy foamy noises with her mouth? (I must Youtube that shit.) Ya put a dress on a pig, ya still got a pig. Let me taste the love, people. And for the record, love has nothing to do with sugar or butter content. Though it certainly can't hurt. :)
My foray into Cupcakery began during my era. Anyone who has gone through the WW process or the equivalent knows the desire you have to find desserty 'naughty' options that won't sabotage you. There simply MUST be a way to enjoy things I always did, but in a healthier way. And there almost always is. In nosing around the WW message boards I stumbled upon something ingenious - seriously don't you ever do something and wonder who the hell the first person was to do it and think it was a good idea? Like eating cottage cheese, for example? Who was the first person to look at cottage cheese, basically one stop in the cheese aging process, and decide hey, that looks like it's already been eaten - let's have a taste! And this was one of those moments - someone on this website had discovered that if you buy box cake mix and substitute 2 egg whites for the required eggs, and 1 12 oz. can of diet soda of a flavor that coordinates with the cake flavor instead of adding oil, you're saving EPIC calories and fat. So what the hey, it sounded ridiculous - let's try it! My first stab at it, I bought lemon cake mix and added Diet Sprite. I thought for sure the texture would be creepy, or they wouldn't rise, or the flavor would just have some chemicaly weirdness. I was WRONG. Not only was the soda-ness flavor undetectable, they were the lightest fluffiest cupcakes I ever did have.
And an obsession was born. If you know me, you know I've taken this semi-homemade technique and raised to an art form. I've used diet sodas, flavored waters, cider, coffee, applesauce, pumpkin puree, oatmeal, even champagne. In my obsession and need to create new things, I ran through the basic types fairly quickly - chocolate cake with white frosting, yellow with chocolate, lemon with strawberry, etc. Yawn. Time to think bigger. So I began to draw on inspiration from other things - I began to recreate the flavors of other desserts, and even some drinks or cocktails, in cupcake form. I'm limited by the box cake flavors, but they also provide a blank canvas for me to explore as well. I still think my greatest success to date is my Banana Cream Pie cupcake. Yellow cake, with cream soda and pureed ripe bananas, topped with vanilla butter cream frosting and crushed shortbread cookies. Another one people remember, although I was personally underwhelmed, was the Root Beer Float cupcake. Visually adorable, but for me a bit lacking in the taste department - it just didn't quite get there. I still have new ideas I'd like to try - my most recent creation was inspired by neopolitan ice cream (Juka said it was the best cupcake he'd ever had!!!), and I have future plans to create cupcakes as homage to peach cobbler, s'mores, hazelnut lattes, caramel apples and even grape soda.
It's nice when you tap back into a passion. I look forward to seeing what else I can surprise myself with. And by the way, I'm trying my damndest to come up with a way of creating a Peanut Butter & Jellycupcake, but I just can't think of how to pull it off - any suggestions?
Thank God The Bers arrive tomorrow! I'm dying a slow death of cinematic boredom!! Ok yeah, I haven't been to the movies in a while now - I did check out Eat Pray Love and The Expendables but was left underwhelmed by both when sadly as usual I was expecting some fun times. With a chill starting to creep into the air, it's time for a fresh batch of horror. Last year around this time we were absolutely spoiled by the double bounty of Paranormal Activity and Zombieland (oh yeah, and , you disappointing liar of a movie you). So far the only thing I've seen on the horizon is Saw 3-D. And indeed like everyone else I am over 3-D it's ridiculous, but at least the Saw movies are entertaining if not revolutionary. And with this being the last one, we'll say good night to a very imaginative series and a cool killer, who was creepy despite his own passive agressive killing style. :) Who knew we could be scared of someone who killed you from a different room?
So I take solace in another of Autumn's creepy offerings - the Halloween store!! My locals know that there will be a Spirit store opening up in the old Expo building, which would make it a store of EPIC MAGNITUDE!! I hope they pull it off. :D Where else you can buy ballpoint pens shaped like bloody syringes, or gigantic rubber rats, or glow-in-the-dark cobwebs, or candles shaped like fingers that melt down into bloody rivers as they burn? Ahh, heaven. One of my favorite Halloweeny inventions is the candy bowl with the little hand in the middle. It's motion activated and as you reach in to grab candy, the little hand will reach down and touch you. It's more of a startle than a scare, but it's delicious.
Many a joke has been made how in recent years Halloween has turned into a reason for women to dress slutty and have it be totally acceptable and even encouraged. I have no issue with this as well - while you are drifting away from the idea WAY behind a (lending itself to all costumes needing to be horrific in nature), we all still like to play dress-up. But ladies who choose the slut route - at least do it with some wit. Tap into a classic sexual archetype like the school girl or the nurse or the maid. I grow so bored of Sexy Pirate and Sexy Vampire. True brilliance to me comes when sexy meets horrific - a trueClash of the Titans. I DREAM someday about being a corpse bride, but far darkier and sexier than Tim Burton's take. I'm talking Michael Jackson's Thriller level of corpse-itude, in a beautiful dress that we imagine has been RAVAGED by the elements. Like someone took a bride and threw her in a meat grinder, and now...she's understandably pissed. Cleaveage should be abundant, and abundantly covered with blood or scars or oozing wounds. Hose-covered legs should be visible through slits in her exquisite white dress, and maybe her calf is torn open and some bone peeks through. A perfect balance of gorgeous hideousness.
Who will you become this year?